Stoic #1: Use Prospective Retrospection to Minimize Future Regret
Somewhere in the future, your today is the good old days. There is a good chance later in life, you want to live your today’s good old days, despite its shortcomings.
On being nostalgic about the past
Have you ever reminisced about old memories? Memories that make you feel good about it? I bet most of us do. Once in a while, naturally, we like to look back to the past to reconnect to the memories to feel something. Being nostalgic can inspire us to have positive emotions, especially for the good memories we had in the past. It brings us joy and happiness. It’s good for our well-being.
I remember that when I was still a kid, my big family always had a big gathering moment once a year, normally for two days only. Since we all enjoy food, it is always the center of the moment. We meet, eat, talk, laugh, and play together. Every year, we always have something new to talk about. It’s lovely to know everyone is doing well while enjoying the moment together. But now, things are different. I can see fewer people coming to the event.
For many reasons, some of my families are parting ways. Only a few stick around to the family gathering tradition. It’s quite sad to imagine it, but it had its golden moment.
In addition, swimming was one of the activities I enjoyed the most as a kid. On some weekends, my family likes to take me and some of my cousins to the nearest pool in town. It never fails to entertain me every time. I came prepared by bringing a towel, soap, shampoo, and changing clothes. When we arrive at the pool, I remove my clothes and jump straight to the pool with some freestyle jumping. Usually, it can take about two hours before we are done to find something to eat. It is such a joy. Things changed. We didn’t do that anymore.
Prospective Retrospection
Fast forward to the present moment. I wrote this post to reminisce about those good memories because I long for them. I wish I could have that more. I wish we could still continue the tradition together, and swimming at the pool once in a while.
Now, what remains is regret for the past. I wish I could go back there and be more present on that day to enjoy every tiny bit. But it’s too late. I didn’t make the best out of them.
I’m sure you can relate to this kind of story. It can happen to anyone, anytime, and on multiple occasions. Those loved ones that got away, the better jobs that we didn’t apply for because we were too afraid of not being qualified, potential salary raise that we could have but didn’t ask for, a healthier body that we had always been neglecting, and hundreds more that anyone could imagine.
So, how do we minimize or even avoid the regret of the past to happen?
Ancient Stoic philosophers have a good answer to this problem. It is called Prospective Retrospection.
It is a practice of imagining your future while looking into your past - your today, in a prospective manner.
Tennis is the only sport I’ve enjoyed playing since I was a kid. My parents introduced it to me when I was 6-7. It took time back then before I could fully enjoy it because I was getting good at it. Moving forward to the present time, it’s not an easy sport to play, and I’ve been struggling to get better at it.
Multiple times, I felt frustrated because my forehand accuracy was off, my ball didn’t pass the net, or I wasn’t quick enough to react to my opponent’s hit. It pissed me off.
But the joy of playing is second to none. I can imagine myself playing it until I’m old, which got me thinking:
“Will I still be able to play Tennis in the next 30 years?”
Reflecting on that moment gives me more reasons to keep pushing whatever I’m doing now. Even though it is frustrating sometimes, this moment won’t last. I don’t want my future self to look back when I’m older and see that I didn’t give enough time to the activities I enjoy the most and let my frustration consume my head when I should be enjoying it because it’s not gonna last!
It applies to everything.
It can be your hobbies that you have always put off, that creative pursuit that you haven’t put your heart into, or the loving of the people you spend your precious time with. It is a practice. The practice of how not to make our future self regret the past.
We can’t change the past, but we can change how our future self will feel when he looks back to the present moment. The moment where you are right now. The moment that you have control over that can make your future proud.
Putting it into a practice
As I spend more time occasionally doing prospective retrospection, I understand more deeply the meaning of “enjoy while it lasts!” It is meant to tell us to be more present by not worrying too much because we don’t know if this moment can last.
Additionally, by doing prospective retrospection, it can help us to understand what are the most important things in our life. The things that we deeply care about, whether it is time spent with our family, a healthy body and mind, creative pursuit, living abroad, being more adventurous, helping more people in need, etc.
So, it’s time for you to get this into practice. You can dedicate 10-15 minutes during your spare time or while doing something that doesn’t need your full attention, like waiting in line or sitting in the back seat of an Uber/Taxi.
Imagine your future self to look back at the present moment based on your current circumstances. Is there any new perspective that you can take? What would be the regret that can occur in the future if you keep doing whatever you are doing now? What are things that you should be doing to make the present moment has more meaning?
To be more specific, what do you think about the time you spend with your family? Anything that can make the moment better?
Remember, somewhere in the future, your today is the good old days. And, there is a good chance later in life, you want to live your today’s good old days, despite its shortcomings.
So, live your life to the fullest!
This article was inspired by William B. Irvine’s explanation of the prospective retrospection practice that can be found here.